Want to know the real meaning of fear? It’s Foodfight!

If you’ve heard anything about Foodfight!, I almost guarantee that it wasn’t nice.

To understand this review, let me give you some context on the legend of Foodfight!;

Lawrence Kasanoff had raised tens of millions of dollars to produce a script for an animated film he’d written with 3 others; the script was set in a grocery store where at night, iconic brands come to life and the aisles become a bustling city.

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I want to go home…

The film’s protagonist was voiced by Charlie Sheen, and the film also included the voices of Hilary Duff, Wayne Brady, Christopher Lloyd and more.

It was set for a Christmas release in 2003, but due to an act of “industrial espionage”, the footage was stolen; leaving the project as a memory…

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These drawings actually promise something adequately better than the final product.

But Lawrence Kasanoff would not let that be the end. He and a team of animators remade the footage with the surviving voice work, resulting in a $45 million film looking like a $45 school project.

The film was released direct-to-DVD in 2012. Grossing a reported $73,706 against its $45 million budget. The real question still remains… is it good?

No. No way. Absolutely no. Positively no. What’s a better word for no? NEIN.

foodfight-lady-x-and-dex-dogtective

This film is an absolute monstrosity. I will admit, watching it was fun but only because we found it so enjoyable to laugh at the film’s faults.

Even if this film had Toy Story levels of revolutionary animation, it wouldn’t be enough to save Foodfight! from its horrendous script. There’s too many characters and furthermore they’re not in the least bit interesting. They’re all cardboard cutouts of already boring ideas.

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Glad to see Nazi imagery is no longer popular.

The story itself makes sense but in the same way that a gas station burger tastes like a burger. It’s only barely edible and even that’s a stretch.

And then there’s the animation… what.

I would’ve preferred sock puppets portray the characters than whatever those things are.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

The one good moment in Foodfight! is when the protagonist (Dax Dogtective) suffers from a nightmare. Because of the way he and the landscape look, I’d think I was in a nightmare too.

That one saving grace which lasts approximately 15 seconds is not going to make up for the fact that this monstrosity managed to raise a budget of $45 million while there are incredible scripts out there waiting for one twelfth of that to roll their way.

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This cover just screams masterpiece…

Absolutely avoid Foodfight!. The only reason I said I laughed at the film was because I needed to enjoy something. I couldn’t just let the film win and waste my time.

0.5 / 5   terrifying brand icons

What did you think of Foodfight!? Please don’t tell me you actually watched it…

Whatever your thoughts, leave a comment below and don’t forget to like the Facebook page to keep the site going!

FYI: The footage in the trailer below is actually better than the final product. I assume that’s what the original was going to look like (not a huge improvement anyway).

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